


I Can't Help but Repeat Myself (I Know it's Not Your Fault)

by electribunny



Series: Fireworks That Went Off Too Soon [2]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Childhood Trauma, Deaf Character, Gen, Injury Recovery, Major Character Injury, Niki Wilbur and Schlatt r there too but i didnt wanna character tag em bc like...they dont speak, Permanent Injury, Psychological Trauma, Redemption, no beta we die like men, once again the character death isnt like...permenant he respawns but it felt worth mentioning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:20:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27583300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/electribunny/pseuds/electribunny
Summary: “I’m so sorry Tubbo. I’ll make it as painless and colorful as possible.” He said, trying to comfort the kid. It obviously didn’t work, judging by his widening eyes and a yell that Techno couldn’t quite hear. He loaded up the crossbow shot. He’d make it quick. And beautiful. It was the least the kid deserved.Tubbo’s scream of pain would haunt him forever. He watched as he crumpled to the ground with a sob. Techno felt eyes on his back. He didn’t want everyone to watch while Tubbo suffered. He made a split-second decision and shot both Quackity and Schlatt. He fired some shots into the crowd, before grabbing his sword and jumping down into the crowd.---Technoblade's journey on the road to redemption after the Festival.This is directly correlated with I'll Get Through the Night (And I'll Begin Again) and won't make much sense unless you've read that one first.
Relationships: Dave | Technoblade & Toby Smith | Tubbo, Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit
Series: Fireworks That Went Off Too Soon [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2016254
Comments: 10
Kudos: 201





	I Can't Help but Repeat Myself (I Know it's Not Your Fault)

**Author's Note:**

> hey! it's bee! no beta again because i really rushed this haha, I wanted to get it finished before the battle tomorrow, bc i feel like some major plot things are going to happen and i want this to at least semi align with canon. 
> 
> sidenote, but why do they always have the events on weekdays? i can't keep skipping school for these block men my grades are slipping. 
> 
> okay, a note about the sign language here. first off i wanna say thank you to the gay castle discord server for helping me decide which language they speak. we settled on asl for a few reasons. the first is that sapnap is the one that teaches them, and he is american. the second is that i personally speak asl, so it was a lot easier for me to like, visualize and shit. i also know how long it takes to become fluent in the language, and the kinds of things you would know how to say as a beginner. all in all, it was the best choice. 
> 
> i would also like the point out that in the parts that are signed, i write them out in english, with english grammar. the wrods written do not correlate at all to the signs that would be signed to convey the same message. i did this to make it flow smoother for the reader. just keep in mind it is not even Close to asl grammar. 
> 
> the title of the fic is from I Can't Handle Change by Roar. The title of the series is from Fourth of July by Fall Out Boy. 
> 
> anyway, i think that's it! i forever appreciate kudos and comments, so never hesitate to leave either if you feel inclined! also, feel free to hmu on my socials, and enjoy the fic!
> 
> tumblr (main): neon-soap  
> mineblr: vanilla-minecraft

The first thought that came into his head when he saw Tubbo in his fancy new suit was  _ Wow, he looks really grown up.  _

He didn’t look grown up anymore. In fact, Techno would go as far as to say he looked the youngest he ever had. He could tell how hard the kid was trying to keep his composure, but it wasn’t really working out. Tears were streaming down his face, his hands were trembling as they roamed everywhere they could, and he looked about as nauseous as Techno felt. 

Schlatt was saying something. He wasn’t sure what. He was more focused on how he would get out of the situation at hand with the least amount of collateral damage. He felt like he was 16 again. 

~~_ They’re here for a show. Give them a show. I keep you around for a reason. Theyrehereforashowbloodforthebloodgodbloodforthebloodgodbloodforthebloodgod.  _ ~~

Tubbo pulled his communicator out of his pocket. He probably thought that no one was paying attention to him. Techno didn’t call him out on it. Whatever the message said, it made the boy stop shaking as much. He stood up a little straighter. 

He was running out of time. Quackity shoved some earmuffs into his hand. He didn’t register it at the time, just slid them on his head to get them out of the way. He heard his name come from Schlatt’s mouth. 

“I’m so sorry Tubbo. I’ll make it as painless and colorful as possible.” He said, trying to comfort the kid. It obviously didn’t work, judging by his widening eyes and a yell that Techno couldn’t quite hear. He loaded up the crossbow shot. He’d make it quick. And beautiful. It was the least the kid deserved. 

Tubbo’s scream of pain would haunt him forever. He watched as he crumpled to the ground with a sob. Techno felt eyes on his back. He didn’t want everyone to watch while Tubbo suffered. He made a split-second decision and shot both Quackity and Schlatt. He fired some shots into the crowd, before grabbing his sword and jumping down into the crowd. 

As soon as the chaos began, he quietly slipped away. The second he was out of eyesight, he grabbed onto a branch of the nearest tree, and threw up. 

\---

He was already feeling incredibly guilty. It didn’t help to see Tubbo’s shocked face, grabbing onto Tommy’s shirt. 

“I don’t know! I can’t hear you!” Add that to the list of things that would haunt Techno forever. 

He knew in his mind that he should’ve conceded when Tommy turned to confront him. But there was a reason he put on a cold exterior. 

Turns out it was a lot harder to take off than he thought. 

_ I’m a horrible person.  _ He thought as he watched Tommy lying on the ground, coughing up blood and spitting it onto the stone floor. He sucked in a deep breath and stomped onto Tommy’s thigh. For the second time that day, he watched a child’s body fade out of existence. Both times were his fault. 

~~_ I don’t care that you don’t want to! You know what will happen if you don’t. I hate working with fucking kids. Why did it have to be you that makes the most money? Idontcarethatyoudontwanttobloodforthebloodgodihateworkingwithfuckingkidsbloodforthebloodgodbloodforthebloodgod _ ~~

He sighed in relief when he looked over to the bed, where Tommy quickly sat up. His nose was still bleeding, and there were a few bruises, but he sprung out of the bed as quickly as he had appeared there and rushed to Tubbo’s side. 

Techno gladly went when Wilbur grabbed his hand, pulling them away from the group. He didn’t know or care what he was saying, he just couldn’t bear to look at the kids for any longer. 

\---

The first few days after were the worst. Tommy refused to leave Tubbo’s side. They walked everywhere hand in hand. Tommy sat up at his bedside at night, sword in hand as his friend slept. During the day, they sat outside, spending hours in the grass, basking in the sun. Techno assumed they talked sometimes, he heard the murmurs of their voices as he walked past them, but they always fell silent whenever he approached. He felt their eyes track him until he was once again out of earshot. 

Tubbo had said that he forgave him. Techno knew that didn’t mean anything. He’d say anything to make Tommy feel better. He let the kid lie to him though. It was better for everyone involved. 

He didn’t want it to be a lie. 

He saw Tubbo staring at the music box one night, as they all sat eating dinner. Tommy glared at him once he noticed that Techno was staring. He snapped his eyes away. 

That night, he brought the jukebox outside, along with some disks. He hesitated as he went to leave. Would Tubbo think he was mocking him? Would he be upset that he couldn’t hear the music? Techno sat and thought for a while, and finally decided that he would leave it. If anything, it would give Tommy something to do while they sat up there all day. 

The next morning he was rewarded for his efforts. He went outside to see Tommy and Tubbo sat shoulder to shoulder, thigh to thigh. One of Tubbo’s hands was placed flat against the jukebox. The other was gripping Tommy’s hand. Both boys looked genuinely content, for the first time since the festival. 

Tommy turned his head to look at him. Noticing the movement, Tubbo did too. Techno waved at them. 

The boys hesitated, then waved back. Progress. 

\---

Techno sat, sword in hand. He had gone outside to sharpen it (Wilbur hated the noise), but his original goal was long forgotten. He watched in the distance as Tubbo ran, chasing a bee as he pulled Tommy along by the hand. He yanked too hard, and Tommy went crashing to the ground. Tubbo stopped and turned around, laughing. The younger boy sprung up quickly, and signed something to his friend before picking him up, and throwing him to the ground. The boys began wrestling, and Techno could hear their giggles and shrieks even from a distance. He smiled at the sight. They didn’t get enough time to just be children. 

“Hey.” Footsteps approached behind him. Techno turned to follow the movement. 

“Hey.” He waved back. 

“Can I sit here?” Quackity asked. 

“Yeah.” Techno shrugged. Quackity sat in the grass next to him. Techno set down his sword. 

“They look like they’re having fun.” He gestured toward the kids. 

“Yeah, they’re out here a lot. I think Tubbo is claustrophobic.” Techno responded. 

“Well, I mean, I would be too, after all that. Like, shit man. They’re just sixteen. The most productive thing I did when I was sixteen was fuck around in the forest with my friends. Like, seriously man, can you imagine living like this at  _ sixteen? _ ” 

“I don’t like to talk about my childhood.” Techno shut down that conversation before it even started. 

~~_ The ******* Guarantee! None of our fights are staged! Come see the child prodigy Technoblade IN PERSON! Tickets start cheap! Blood for the Blood God! Blood for the Blood God! blood for the blood god bloodforthebloodgodticketsstartcheapbloodforthebloodgodchildprodidgybloodforthebloodgodnoneofourfightsarestagedbloodforthebloodgodbloodforthebloodgod _ ~~

He snapped out of it when Quackity shook his arm. 

“Hey man, you okay? You zoned out for a second.” 

“Yeah. Sorry.” Techno fought to regain his composure. There was a reason he kept a cold exterior. 

“Can I ask you something?” Quackity asked. 

“Can’t guarantee I’ll answer it.”

“Why did you do it? I mean, it really seems like you didn’t want to.” 

“Why did you?” Techno shot back. 

“Schlatt. He-he’s good with words. When I told him that I didn’t want to go through with the plan, he pulled out every trick in the book to convince me. He threw himself off the balcony, just to show me that he was completely fine after he respawned. He told me that he took in Tubbo to keep him somewhere safe. He told me he was only doing it so that he would associate helping Wilbur and Tommy with danger. He said he didn’t want him to get hurt anymore. He wanted to provide him a stable home.” Quackity took a deep breath before continuing. 

“He took me out to the balcony. He grabbed my hand and showed me Manburg. He told me that  **we** had built a beautiful nation.  **We** had done something significant. He told me he couldn’t have done it without me. He told me he needed me. He told me I was  _ important. _ ” Quackity tried to subtly wipe the tears from his eyes. Techno acted like he didn’t notice. “And I believed it. That’s why I did it.” 

Techno was horrible with comforting people. He didn’t like to deal with other people’s emotions. He hesitated and reached out to pat Quackity on the back a few times. He responded with a choked out laugh. 

“So, you never answered my question.” His voice trembled. “Why did you do it?” 

“I couldn’t think of anything else to do,” Techno answered. He didn’t want to go any more in-depth than that. 

“...Do you regret it?” 

“Every day.” 

“Yeah.” Quackity sighed. “Me too.” 

They sat in silence for a few seconds. 

“I guess we’re both horrible people,” Techno mumbled. 

“Yeah. We are. Come on, let’s go inside.” 

\---

Techno couldn’t find Niki anywhere. He rolled his eyes and began the walk to Pogtopia. He hated tracking people down. 

He stepped down the stairs. Niki wasn’t there. 

But Tommy and Tubbo were. They were sitting on the floor, knees touching. Tommy’s back was to him. Tubbo’s shirt was off, and Techno saw the scar in its entirety for the first time. Even a month after the injury, it still looked horribly painful. 

He watched as Tommy scooped some Magma Cream onto his hands, and began slowly rubbing it onto the scar on Tubbo’s left cheek. In response, the older boy cringed and inhaled sharply. Tommy signed something to him that Techno couldn’t quite see, and continued to work. 

Techno winced in sympathy. He knew firsthand how badly Magma Cream stung, even if was the best way to cure a burn. That stuff was no joke. 

“Pat it in. Don’t rub it in.” He said. His voice felt far too loud as it echoed in the ravine. “It hurts less.” 

“Holy shit!” Tommy jumped, before turning to Techno. “You fucking scared me.” 

“Sorry. Have you seen Niki?” Techno said. He watched as Tommy translated his words to Tubbo. 

“Yeah. She just left. Said she was going to the bakery.” Tubbo said. 

“Fuck. I just came from there. Thanks anyway.” 

“No problem big man,” Tommy said, before turning back to Tubbo. They signed back and forth for a bit before Techno turned away. 

He figured the kid must be awfully lonely. The only people on the server who knew how to sign were Tommy, Sapnap, and Niki. Tommy and Niki had dropped everything to learn as quickly as possible, but most of their gang didn’t even know the alphabet. 

He noticed Tommy’s book sitting on a chest and went to grab it. Then, he went to go find Sapnap. If Wilbur needed to talk to Niki, he could hunt her down himself. Techno had something more important to do. 

\---

Techno sighed, ready to lay down. He had had a long day. He walked into Pogtopia, thankful it was over.

He froze when he saw Tubbo, sitting on the floor by himself. That in itself was rare, Tommy had barely left Tubbo’s side since the festival. But, him leaving Tubbo all by himself was an extreme rarity. 

Techno hadn’t been alone with Tubbo since the incident. He continued working, none the wiser to his attacker standing behind him. Of course he wouldn’t be aware of his presence. Techno recalled what Sapnap taught him, about getting his attention without scaring him. He picked up a stick from the closest chest and chucked it at the wall. 

“Tommy! You’re back ear-Oh.” Tubbo said, turning around. 

**Hi. Sorry. Didn’t want to scare you.** Techno signed. He didn’t know if he was doing it right, he only had about 4 sessions of practice under his belt. And, he felt awkward, his hands weren’t used to the movement, but it was all worth it to see the gentle smile that broke out on Tubbo’s face. 

“Thanks for the heads up.” He said. 

**What are you doing?**

“Freezing honey,” Tubbo responded. 

**Why?**

“To snack on.” Tubbo shrugged. 

**Do you want help?**

“That would be nice,” Tubbo said. He patted the floor next to him. Techno took the invitation and sat down. 

“Feel free to put whatever you want in the jukebox. I can’t listen to music if both my hands are full.”

Techno flipped through the disks sitting by the jukebox, finally settling on Pigstep. The music filled the ravine. Tubbo grabbed a stick, and a bottle of honey, and began showing Techno what he was doing. 

“Okay, so you start by taking a stick, and you spin it. Then you start pouring honey onto the edge of it. You gotta make sure you spin the stick the whole time so it doesn’t spill. Then, when there’s about this much honey onto it, you stick it in here. You gotta go fast though!” Tubbo said, plunging the stick into a chest filled with snow. There were already a few sticks in there. Techno nodded and began working. They worked in silence, slowly filling the chest. Once it was full, Tubbo shut the lid. 

“There! Then we just let them freeze overnight, and we can have them in the morning!” Tubbo smiled at him. “Thanks for the help.” 

**No problem.** Techno signed back as Tubbo stuck his finger into one of the almost empty bottles of honey. He scooped some onto his finger, before popping it into his mouth and offering the bottle to Techno. He hesitated, not wanting to make a mess, but eventually gave in. He ran his finger along the edge and followed suit. And he had to admit, it was pretty good. 

“I forgive you, you know,” Tubbo said. Techno froze. “No, really, I do. Honestly, I was just saying it at first, to make Tommy feel better, but I mean it now. You’ve really been trying. And I notice that. So, thank you. I forgive you.” 

“I…” Techno said and then faltered. Tubbo just opened his arms, and Techno let himself be pulled into a hug. He felt stiff, and awkward. He couldn’t remember the last time he had let himself do this. After a while, they finally pulled away. Techno was shocked to feel tears on his face. He didn’t let himself cry. After all of his efforts, it was a kid that got him to break down his barriers. 

He pulled out his communicator and opened his conversation with Tubbo. There wasn’t much in it. 

_ Technoblade: I want to tell you why I did it, if you want to hear. I just don’t know how to sign it yet.  _

_ Tubbo_: You don’t have to sign it. You’ve put a lot of work to talk to me. I don’t mind meeting you halfway.  _

_ Technoblade: No, the least you deserve is to hear the story in your language. Besides, I’m not sure if I’m quite ready to get into it yet. I’ve never told anyone about my childhood. I don’t know where I’d start. _

_ Tubbo_: Well, I’ll be here once you’re ready. I think I’m going to go to bed. Goodnight Big T.  _

_ Technoblade: Goodnight Tubbo.  _

As they both crawled into bed, Techno understood why Tommy never slept when Tubbo did. He was overcome with the need to make sure the boy was protected while he slept. And that’s exactly what he did. 

An hour later, when Tommy stumbled into Pogtopia, yawning, Techno felt the need to protect him too. 

“Go to bed.” He told the boy. “I’ll watch you both.” Tommy hesitated for a second, glancing from his sleeping friend, to Techno, and back, before finally giving in.

“Yeah. Okay. Thanks.” Tommy mumbled, before setting his sword down and crawling into bed. 

As he watched Tommy’s breathing even out, Techno sat back. He didn’t deserve them. He didn’t deserve to be forgiven. Yet, there he was, trusted to protect them in their most vulnerable time. 

~~_ bloodforthebloodgodbloodforthebloodgod _ ~~

Techno took a deep breath, and willed the murmur of his brain away. He was no longer that scared little 16 year old, being forced into different arenas to fight to the death. He was more than entertainment for other people. Maybe he didn’t need to be cold and detached. Maybe he didn’t need his fabricated aura of cocky confidence. They wouldn’t hurt him for showing emotion. Not here. Things were different. 

He refused to let Tommy and Tubbo turn out like him. 


End file.
